I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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