i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
