be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
