A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
