i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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