I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
