try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
