I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
