Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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