You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
