I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
