What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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