alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
