You're my little dorito
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
