My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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