i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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