Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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