You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
