someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So vagazzling was a success
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
