This is not my ceiling
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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