At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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