You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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