it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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