You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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