My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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