I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize