somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
