Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
