I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
