her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
