I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
