i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
