Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
