you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
