It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
