toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
