Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
