I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He is an equal opportunity slut.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
