I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I still have a little drunk in my system
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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