i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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