I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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