just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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