im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was confusing and full of hummus
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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