I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
