We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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