i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
