I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
