How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to have your abortion
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize