I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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