Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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