Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize