Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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