Yo dont text me then not text me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
