sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
