i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
