I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
