My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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