Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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