Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
