do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
