youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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