Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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