4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
