I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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