just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My ATM looks so different sober.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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