You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
