WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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