maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
