margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
