Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
