I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
