they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
