if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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