I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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