I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
