I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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