who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
