He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
