whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
