So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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