he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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