Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
