Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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