the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
