a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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