i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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